It is really starting to hit me that I'll be away for four months. Goodbyes are always a little overwhelming because I know that I will miss people that I was already starting to miss. And I'll be honest, I'm kinda nervous.
BUTTTTTT, I am so (so!!!) excited to run away to South America and connect with different people around the world. I will try to blog and I will try to take pictures, but I can't promise anything.
A little background: From March 23-July 15 I will be traveling in South America. I'm leaving alone but plan on (hopefully) meeting many great people along the way. I land in Bogota, Colombia and fly home from Brazil.
I'm struggling with something though, and I was hoping that writing this and hearing some feedback would help me out. See, I believe in traveling. I believe that there is more to it than having fun and exploring the world. Something much deeper and much more personal.
A lot of my conversations with myself go like this:
Me: So Mati, why are you traveling?
Me: Well, after a couple years in the army and before a few years in med school, it seems like a nice break.
Me: No. Why are you really traveling?
Me: Maybe to explore the world and meet cool people?
Me: MATI STOP. Why are you traveling and if you don't tell me the truth you will never be able to tell anybody the truth.
Me: I feel empty after my army service. I don't know where I belong, I don't know what I will do next. I want to find myself. I want answers to questions that I still do not know and words to the songs that I haven't finished writing. I want to fix myself I want to breathe I want to look at a mirror I want to cry I want to laugh I want to feel I want to act based on how I feel and not based on how I think. I want to get inside my head and I want to stay there.
Me: What was that? I stopped listening.
On the other hand, I really do want to explore the world and have fun and meet new people. I want to hike in the mountains and eat weird foods and sleep in huts with no hot water and mosquito netting. If that's how I look back on my trip, I will be more than happy. I have so many emotions and expectations that it is hard to know what is realistic and what isn't. But I have this itch, this belief that there is more, and I want it to find it.
For all of you who have traveled the world, let me know if you have had these questions and aspirations as well! For those of you that are waiting and wanting to travel, what speaks to you about the travel experience?
Until next time,
Mati
P.S. I wish I didn't have to depend on facebook to get this out, so please share this with anybody that might have something to say! You can also write me some emails to matisegev@gmail.com. And if you include your address maybe you will get a goofy postcard.
I think traveling is a really great way to experience new identities, and to test your ability to adjust, to make sense of things that don't make sense, and to learn trust in other people. But if you're really trying to find yourself, I think you're going to constantly have to ask yourself questions about what you're feeling and why. Just 'doing' travel wont' be enough. You have to engage with it-- that said, another big part of traveling for a long time is seeing what resurfaces when you return to a sense of normalcy-- some things will and always have been *you*.
ReplyDeleteHave an amazing time. Best.